Say What You Mean

By: Rosemary A. Jozwiak

Effective communication is an essential part of any relationship, but it is especially important in a committed partnership. Lack of communication is one of the leading complaints among couples. Effective communication involves not only talking, but also becoming an active listener.

Some strategies for effective communication are:

• Only one person talks at a time. You cannot be an active listener if you are talking over your partner.

• Give the speaker your full attention. Turn off the TV or put down the newspaper so you are not to be distracted.

• Nonverbal communication cues such as eye contact, nodding your head and open body language convey to the speaker that you are listening to what they are saying.

• Restate back what the speaker has said by starting with "So what you are saying is, and ending with "Is that right?" This tells the speaker what you heard and asks for clarification should you be incorrect.

• Do not attempt to be a mind reader. Ask for clarification when necessary.

When communicating your thoughts and feelings to others, use "I statements" such as "I feel" and not "You make me feel." Or state, "I think", instead of making general statements such as "Doesn't everyone think".

The more you practice this communication method, the easier, smoother and more skilled you become. Effective communication is the pathway to intimacy and closeness.

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