Managing Life Transitions
Rosemary Jozwiak
Life is a process of beginnings and endings. Life transitions are challenging because they focus us to let go of familiar and face the future with a feeling of vulnerability. Any significant loss makes most people feel fearful and anxious. Since your future may now be filled with questions, it is normal to feel afraid. A life transition can be positive or negative, planned or unexpected. Some transitions happen without warning, and they may be quite dramatic. Other life transitions come from positive experiences such as going away to college, starting a new job, moving to a new city, giving birth to a child. Even though events like these are usually planned and anticipated, they can be just as life altering as the unexpected events. Whether positive or negative, life transitions cause us to leave behind the familiar and force us to adjust to new ways of living, at least temporarily. They can leave us feeling completely unprepared and we may be thrown into a personal crisis, feeling shocked, angry, sad and withdrawn.
Life transitions are often difficult, but they have a positive side, too. They provide us with an opportunity to assess the direction our lives are taking. They are a chance to grow and learn. Here are some coping skills that may help make the process more rewarding.
1. Accept that change is a normal part of life.
People with this attitude seem to have the easiest time getting through life transitions.
2. Learn to identify and express your feelings.
These feelings will have less power over you if you face them and express them.
3. Don’t be in a rush.
Try to avoid starting new activities too soon, before you have had a chance to reflect and think about what is best for you.
4. Stay Sober.
Using alcohol or drugs can only make the process harder.
5. Take good care of yourself.
Transitions can be very stressful. Find something fun to do each day, get plenty of rest, exercise, and eat well.
6. Build your support system.
Seek the help of family members, and friends. Especially those who accept you without judging you and those who encourage you to express your true feelings.
This may be the time to seek the support of a therapist.
7. Acknowledge what you are leaving behind.
Before you can welcome the new, you must acknowledge and let go of the old.
8. Accept that you may never completely understand what happened to you.
You are likely to spend a lot of time feeling confused and afraid. The discomfort and confusion will pass, and clarity will return.
9. Take one step at a time.
It is understandable to feel like your life has become unmanageable. To regain a sense of power, find one small thing you can control right now. Then break it down into small, concrete steps. Write them down, post them on the refrigerator, cross off each step as you accomplish it.
Times of life transitions offer you the chance to explore what your ideal life would look like. When things are in disarray, you can reflect on the hopes and dreams you once had but perhaps forgot about. Take this time to talk about them with a trusted friend or therapist. Now is a good time to take advantage of the fork in the road.
EXAMPLE OF LIFE TRANSITIONS
Divorce
Buying a house
Changing jobs
Getting into a relationship
Having a baby
Retirement
Serious illness
Selling a house
Starting a career
Relocation
Leaving for college
Accidents
Significant loss:
Of a loved on
Of a job
Of a pet
STAGES OF LIFE TRANSITIONS
Successfully moving through a life transition usually means confronting these stages:
Experiencing a range of negative emotions.
Feel a loss of self esteem.
Begin to accept change.
Acknowledge that you need to let go of the past.
Begin accepting the future.
Begin to feel hopeful about the future.
Feel increased self esteem.
Develop an optimistic view of the future.
The process of moving through a life transition does not always proceed in order, in these nice predictable stages. People usually move through the process in different ways, often cycling back and forth among the stages.